Work Stories

So, it is 3:45 am and for some reason I am wide awake.  If I had horrible heartburn requiring me to sleep on so many pillows I was upright and eat Tums like candy, it would take me right back to being 8 months pregnant.  However, I am not pregnant so I have no idea why I can't sleep.  I just hope this doesn't become a habit.

Usually when I can't sleep I think about random stuff.  Memories from college, high school, and even early in childhood randomly come to mind.  Then I think about weird things that happen at work.  Upon remembering the work stories I think, I have got to write this stuff down.  Thus, the random 3 am posting about stories from work....

Story Number One didn't happen to me, it happened to my partner when I was off but I thought it was hilarious.
A man sticks his head through the pharmacy drop off window and asks, "Hey, is this window open?" Keep in mind, his head is THROUGH the window.
Pharmacist: "Looks open to me,"
Man at window: "So, this window is open?"
Pharmacist: "Is this a trick question?"

Story number 2: This happens on a regular basis....
To preface this story I need to explain that when you call the pharmacy, the electronic message says, "Thank you for calling your WALMART pharmacy." Then, it prompts you to do a number of different things, the last one being "press 0 to speak with someone in the pharmacy."

The phone rings.  I answer it by saying, "WalMart Pharmacy."
Customer: "Is this WalMart?"
Again, is this a trick question?
Me: Yes it is.
Customer: "Is this the pharmacy?"
Seriously??
Me: Yes it is.
Customer: Uhhhhh.... uhhhh.... I uhh......uhhh...

This gets me every time.  How do you not know who you called? How do you then, not know why you called them? I don't understand.


Story Number 3: "My Baby's Prescription"
This one happened a while back but since then I have noticed a recurring theme and it happens pretty frequently....

A woman comes to pick up a prescription.  When she gets to the register she realizes it is not on the insurance and tells the cashier.  The cashier turns to all of us behind the counter and states that we need to put the prescription on insurance.  We say,"ok" and finish what we are doing because we are currently working on someone else's prescription.  Keep in mind, it is our job to know EVERYTHING about EVERYONE's insurance and what drugs they pay for and how much their copays are and what their ID numbers are.  It is NOT the PATIENT's responsibility to know what their insurance is and BRING IN THEIR INSURANCE CARD. (That is sarcasm in case you don't know.)  Anyway, after a minute or two passes, the woman bursts out (and I mean, bursts out yelling in a loud voice),

"AIN'T NOBODY GONNA DO ANYTHING ABOUT MY BABY'S PRESCRIPTION??!!! MY BABY NEEDS HIS PRESCRIPTION!!!!!"

Upon closer examination, her "baby" is 28 years old.

Story Number 4: "The Similac and the Nudist"
I am behind my computer working when a customer out on the floor (the OTC area) catches my eye as though he is trying to get someone's attention in the pharmacy.  I don't think anyone else notices him so I call out over the counter, "Do you need some help?" He motions for me to come talk to him and walks up to the counter. ("Oh no", I am thinking to myself because this guy looks kinda crazy.)  He proceeds to hand me a can of infant formula and says, "She tole me to get a bottle of this formula and I don't know if this is what I was supposed to get."

Me: Well, what did she tell you to get?
Customer: A small bottle.
Me: (Not knowing what to say but trying to be helpful)Well, this is a can. This is the smallest can they make.
Customer: I don't know if this is the right one.
Me: Well, did she say to get (reading the can because I have no idea how to respond) "Similac"?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Similac Easy Digest?
Customer: I think so.
Me: Then this is it.
About that time, the asset protection guy (who works for WalMart and looks for thieves at the store etc.) comes behind the pharmacy counter and ask the customer if he can help him.  (This is weird because the asset protection guy never comes and helps me give pharmacy advice to my costumers.) It is then that I notice that this man has no less than 30 cans of Similac in his buggy.  It's like, "I don't know if I have the right thing, but I am buying every single can in the store, thanks."  Apparently formula gets stolen like hotcakes around here. Who knew?  I think the guy knew he was being watched and was trying to look like he was going to buy the stuff.  On a side note, we have to lock up condoms and pregnancy tests in little clear boxes and keep baby formula behind the counter because it gets stolen so much. Again, who knew?


Then... later that SAME day I am working behind the computer when a customer at the register with his wife catches my eye.  He is an older gentleman and he smiles at me and asks if I am staying out of trouble.

Me:  I am trying to.  Doing pretty good today.
Customer: As long as you stay back there behind the counter.
Me: Yes sir, I am usually ok back here.
Customer: Have you had a good laugh today?
Me: (thinking back to the Similac guy) Yes sir, I actually have.
Customer: You seem like an open minded person.
Me: I try to be. (At this point his wife walks away and he moves down to the "consulting" end of the pharmacy counter. Keep in mind that I am the only pharmacist at the store.)
Customer:  Come here a minute.
(He motions for me to come talk to him and I think he is about to ask me a question, perhaps about a natural supplement or something.)

I walk around my counter and go to the front counter where he is standing.  When I get there he takes off the hat he is wearing and lowers it to where I can see it.

Customer: Read my hat.
Me: (reading a pin that this man has pinned on the front of his hat) "Discover Nude Recreation dot com"
nervous laughter ensues. I think this must be a joke. An old man just trying to be cute. He looked normal. I laugh it off.
Customer: I am looking at your eyes because that is where your brain is.  There are over 240 resorts worldwide. When you are there people talk to your eyes because that is where your brain is.

Realization hits me.  This man is not joking.  This man is a nudist. I have no idea how to respond to this.


Me: Ohhh. Interesting.
Customer:  Yes. It's great.  They don't judge you for what's on the outside or what you have on. They judge you by who you are.  You are only nude in the sauna, hot tubs, and pools.  The ladies where little sarongs.  I have been going there since the mid eighties.  I just got my wife involved about 6 years ago and she loves it!

Me: Well, a good thing is you don't have to pack much! (I mean, what am I supposed to say??)


Customer: Well, you need something to carry your change around in and a towel or something to sit on if that's what you want.... but you don't need much.

Me: That's nice. (Keep in mind that there are customers waiting on me to check their prescriptions. I am thinking, "how do I get out of this conversation?" I start slowly backing away....the nudist continues...)

Customer: You should really check out the website.  I think you would like it. (Do I put out a nudist vibe I am not aware of??) It doesn't show any nudity, just tells you where the resorts are.  You are only nude in the sauna, hot tub, and pool.  You probably are used to that with a hot tub anyway.

Me: I make a random noise, practicing active listening, trying to be polite, nodding my head, wondering if I should be offended by this conversation and how do I get out of this??


Customer: Yeah, I can tell you know what I'm talking about. winks 


Me: what the...??


Customer: You know that's what causes bubbles in the hot tub anyway, don't you? Clothes. It's the detergent in your clothes.  No washing machine made can get all that soap out of your clothes and that's why you get bubbles in the hot tub.

Me: I continue nodding and slowly backing away. Huh, wow. Learn something new every day! Again, what am I supposed to say?


Customer: Well, go check out the website.

Me: hurrying back behind the counter to safety...Ok, thanks. BYE!!


Story Number Four: "Porno"
Upon filling a man's prescription, I tell him: Sir, this cough syrup is going to make you sleepy."
He responds, "Well, if it makes me too sleepy I will just pop in one of those porno videos and that'll wake me up." eh? huh? seriously? This was only a couple of weeks post nudist.


Story Number Five: "NO Lady!"
A woman is pitching a fit because her medicine isn't ready.
"I left it here Tuesday! It was ready but I didn't have enough money so the lady sat it right there by the counter and she said it would be here today when I came to get it! It was a white lady. She told me I could come back and get it! (I was the only white lady at the store on Tuesday and I had never seen that lady before.) The technician tries her best to help the lady. "Mam, we haven't filled anything for you in months."
The lady goes on. "What? I ain't stupid. I KNOW what I am talking about! It was ready and it was sitting right there!!"
The technician gets exasperated and calls me to the window to help the lady.  I get on the computer and try to figure out what is going on. I look at the other stores and see that she has had some prescriptions filled a couple of days ago in Greenivlle*. I say, yes mam, I see some prescriptions you had filled at another store.
The woman replies,"NO LADY. (She called me "lady.") I know what I am talking about!"
Me: Well mam, I just see some filled the other day in Greenville.
Lady: This ain't Greenville?
Me: No mam.
Lady: Where is this?
I inform the lady where she is.
Lady: I thought this was Greenville.

Please note: Greenville is an entirely different city over 45 minutes away.
*Location was changed.


And I think that should be enough for one evening morning.... I will try to get Mason's 2,3,4, and 5 month pictures up here one of these days!!  Time sure flies.